Time for unwinding, thinking and just daydreaming is so important as a mom. Why? Because, when you're a mom, it's "go time" ALL the time. It doesn't matter if the kids are sleeping or the laundry is already in - I guarantee you, there will always be something to get done and it truly never stops. Ever.
Here are some guidelines to actually getting some time to unwind. I used to think this wasn't important as a new mom. I figured I'd tough it out; the struggle would make me stronger, right?
Wrong.
The problem with not taking a second to sit back is that you will wear yourself out, possibly take that frustration out on others and not get a second to dream, reflect, appreciate, pray, etc. You may be doing just fine this month, but I've been a mom for almost 5 years and I can say that breaks don't just pop up naturally in parenting, at least in our house. :) I do love my busy kids and very helpful husband, so please understand this is not a way to escape them but rather the consistent, ever-present to-do lists I give myself.
When the day is really not going well, having some set aside time will give you something to look forward to and will help you "push through" mentally and physically. It's easier when you know a break is coming, trust me.
So, here we go:
1. Decide what relaxes you.
One of the most important aspects of relaxing is actually knowing what you enjoy doing and actually doing it! What do you look forward to the most when you are able to decide what to do with your time? Sitting in a coffee shop? Dangling your legs off a dock at the lake? Taking a nap in your own bed? Make a decision before you venture out so you can actually look forward to it. Have a couple ideas, just in case one doesn't work out as planned.
2. Choose a time.
Planning ahead for your family is like Motherhood 101 (still learning this!), but planning for yourself is important, too. Choose a time that won't be surrounded by busyness or other responsibilities that take a lot of thought. You won't want to be just sitting there trying to relax but using the time for planning other things instead. I've done this - it's not nearly as freeing and sometimes the to-do list actually gets longer!
3. Set up childcare.
Easier said than done sometimes. Last minute hasn't really worked for me, so set aside time at the beginning of the month and actually plan it in your calendar, their calendar and don't apologize or feel sheepish for having childcare for something other than juggling 800 things. I more often than not feel guilty asking for help to go take a nap or just stand in my bedroom and take deep breaths :) - and I know someone else might, too.
4. Say no.
...to everything else. That time will seem like a "kind of" commitment but it is an actual commitment. A well-rested mother is a gift to mankind. :) We will be more patient, kind, understanding, slow-to-speak - you get the idea. Don't "squeeze" something else into time that isn't there. You have a commitment to yourself and you really should keep it. That also means, no multitasking (soooo difficult, I know). Don't bring your to-do list with you and try to "knock it out" in your down time. If you do, then it's not down time anymore. This one is a hard one for me... I love any opportunity to get more done, but often feel exhausted after.
5. Turn it off.
All of it. The notifications, the phone, the laptop, the tv, the iPad - everything. You will not have time to think and appreciate all that your life has given you by watching someone else's life seem more successful or perfect (though that is never the case!) or being reminded about someone's birthday and oops, you forgot the gift and now you're going to browse Amazon, etc. You get the idea.
Look up and enjoy where you are right here and now. :)
Here's the thing. All the resources that are trying to help you - planners, how-to books, vacations, well-meaning friends, and so on, are not really going to help you if you don't actually do this. You can plan it out, but it's the DOING it that will relax you and relieve some stress.
If you are a new mom, don't let the mom guilt thing get to you. It never leaves and the sooner you ignore it the better, in my opinion. Everyone has a different boiling point in motherhood - the point that it all just feels like too much. We wonder how everyone else gets it all done and seems to have it all together. The reality is quite the opposite. We are hardest on ourselves and need to take care of ourselves, not mentally and physically beating ourselves down. That does not mean simply not working as hard or not caring about your family as much. It means lightening the mental load of self-inflicted expectations.
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